time will make a hero surface within

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

feeling more relaxed after nbc is over.
we had a break from band for one hole week.
give me sufficient time to concentrate on my studies.
guess i cant just leave them there and expect myself to grow clever just by staring at them.
but then listening to lectures by my parents can be such a tortue.
my father has been nagging me about my studies since i woke up late once and was nearly late for school.
thats like 3 months ago.
he nags about the same stuff. give the same reasons. give the same solutions. scolds me about the same stuffs.
but im not deaf or pretending that i dont understand english.
i do absorb what people say. i can hear what you say.
its not about knowing what to do but more of my own willingness.
if im not willing to put in any effort then there is no point in forcing me to do what i dont want to do.
its as good as not doing it so why bother.
i do what i think benefits me the best and i dont have to live only to prove that im worth living in this world.
i dont know why studies is everything to them.
not that studies isnt important to me. but it isnt everything of me.
everytime i do well in something and i feel proud of it. you just brush it off one side and said i could have done better.
everything i dont do welll in something to scold me like i just made a grave mistake.
i dont study for the sake of that few piece of paper neither to i study to provide a face to show to the world.
why cant you understand that i dont trust them anymore.
what right do they have to let me trust them.
just because they are pros. or just because they are liars.
who are the ones that gave me hope only to let me down.
just give me some peace and stop bothering me anymore.
nothing you do will make me believe them ever again.
okay. i know that was random but i just needed a place to rant everything down.
at least i can sleep earlier these few days.
okay rahh. i got a lot of things to do and there are so many beetles bothering me.
i promise you im going to groan if i see one more.
there is like ten over in my room and im constantly throwing them out of the window.
and i havent been sleeping in class.
isnt that great!! hahahaha.
and im beginning to enjoy my times in school.
at least it isnt so stagnent anymore (:

why cant i break out of it.
its my choice not yours.

black&white makes grey. @11:24 PM