time will make a hero surface within

Monday, May 18, 2009

lols. pastor dave just talked about fences not long ago.
i should be sleeping now but im so troubled with i have no idea what i cant sleep.
i didnt think im productive this weekend.
half done geog graded and nothing else done.
i dont feel good about it but its just so hard to try doing it.
yahh. sometimes i wish my mum would just stop her comparison with others.
so what if chinese mum dont praise their child often.
wah. its so damn irritating.
sometimes im really wondering if the life im living now is really what i wanted.
be it studies or my thoughts.
i dont know why i get so easily affected by things nowadays.
i hate the way i am now ):
its like i keeping having this want to go back to what i was 7 years ago.
that isnt a good sign. really..
i think im starting to stop recognising myself.
they always say this is the time to get to know yourself better.
but i think the more i get to know myself the more i hate it.
sometimes the grass really really seems better on the other side.

direction blurred,cant find it back

black&white makes grey. @1:21 AM

Sunday, May 17, 2009

had POP meeting today.
got all the planning and materials settled.
only left a bit of the making.
coming to think of it, its going to be a hell lot busy these 2 weeks before the school actually ends but im feeling so siann of school already.
its not just my studies that i feel so irritated about.
theres also other matters and what not.
i dont know how i'll react when it eventually turns true but
like whatever. i shall try to focus on things that need me to.
the rest is up to the future to decide. (:
damn it, im freaking annoyed with myself.
im either so unproductive if not i get stupid headaches that get me so irritated.
then what happens in the end? i lose all my sleep.
i think im a much much much much happier girl when i first came into secondary.
although secondary life is like uber fun, its also damn demoralising.
im getting sadder by the day larh. its not a good sign!

tomorrow's longing seems to be so hard yet today seems horrible.

black&white makes grey. @10:20 PM

Wah. i suddenly felt the urge to revive my damn dead blog.
i stop counting the number of days i didnt come in to post cause it started turning in months (:
when i look back at all my post i think i've changed quite a lot for the past 2 years (woah. suddenly so reflective :D)
that includes like thoughts and attitude and time!
i cant believe last time i have time to post like everyday and still have nothing to do after that.
now i dont even have time to do the things that i enjoy ):
im like a no-life person. either studying or handling stuff. or if not sleeping or craving for more sleep.
my eyes bags are gross okay. i think at the end of my secondary life i must go do something about it.
anyways the month of may is like the ultra busy time of my life.
other than being the most busy academic part of the term with all the tests and graded assignment bombarment at us and all the annoying teachers that either PMS and treat everything they see (including us) like pest. they are super annoying and sometimes i wonder how the school expects us to be good and loving students with values-filled minds when the teachers themselves cant carry themselves like respectable people. tskk.
then there is also sec3 camp and band camp not to mention that my badge is planning the band camp. and there is jubilate and POP and whatnot.
im like dying cause when im doing some things. im like wondering if i have done another thing well enough. ):
ohh! so just to summarise the month. studies is still like a neutral thing to me.
i dont hate it but im not that crazy to treat studying like my hobby.
its just like test coming. study. if not its homework and assignment and bagloads of notes!
im getting used to having tests and the fact that i cant score well for every single one of them but i shall try with every cell i have left. i doubt that there is much considering that i have been feeling sleepy at least once a day (tiring!) or just plainly giving up listening in class and switch off.
ohh. not to mention my super irritating headaches. im like going to go mad soon with all the pain that its causing me. im getting less efficient and i dont like it!
shang meei is my sitting partner and its just so hilarious. we both have the same copying-notes speeding. a bit lagging behind type and we switch off at almost the same times which means we cant help each other cause we both dont listen to the same stuff (:
the teachers tempers are like becoming worse. maybe they are stress or whatever but i dont think thats a food reason to PMS at students who are also stress and tired people that still have to endure all the nonsense from them. so pissing!
ohh. then i fell sick one day before sec3 camp but i join the next day at camp. im still jumping from thinking whether it was a good decision to go or not. cause i truly enjoyed myself whith HIGH ELEMENTS! and bonded with the class but i suffered the next 3 days with high fever ):
lols. 3 WISDOM OEHHH!
hahaha. okay then i realised that a week after that is band camp. my mum nearly didnt let me go but there is noms so i had to go.
im in log comm and the band booklet was nice okay!! i just came out a bit too small but the band isnt filled with sight failing people so bingo.
hahha. love my comm. we are so efficient (:
actually doing the band booklet is kind of sad cause we put in so much effort in designing and cutting it up but then we all know everyone will just dump in some corner of their bags ):
cause i do that as well. haha. oops.
ohh. but BAND CAMP WAS YAY! everything went well. not that smooth but definitely on time. and i felt like a pig! i ate 3 pizzas before noms and the waiting time sucked.
i was like the second person in the second last group for noms.
guess how long i had to freaking wait!! damn nervous larh.
i didnt feel nervous can. but then all the seniors came in and jiayou for us and the squad were like so jitty that i got affected by them and i started feeling jitty too.
lols. the forum was super silent you can just hear a pin drop. scare my cells out!
xinlin me and joan were the same group! hahah. we started off with drills and jayme commanded us. at first she started of with turning left then all of us just warm up so a bit lagg. after a while then everything went well with drills. BINGO i said one of the timings wrongly. lucky i changed just in time and i didnt give myself away but i think i said a bit too loud ):
jericho was okay. just a bit long. Haiching!!
then the sight reading was like super fail larh. im still so sad by the fact that my sight reading sucked. okayy then the questions were quite okay.
just a little shocked haha!
after that was night games! sarah sijia me xinlin and sandy were artroom station.
damnn dark larh. i was the ghost in the middle with xinlin. then sijia sandy and sarah gamemasters. managed to scare half the people that walked by. then rest were just either shocked or huh? hahaa.
i was like sweating under my mop of hair and blouse. damn it. and i have make on my face hands and legs! it was so gross i wanted to bathe. (:
later sarah christine me and sijia went to do the grading paper and then talk and laugh and took pictures till 3 something in the morning. i like sarah's game. super retarded and funny! laughed till i was crying.
slept at 4 plus with more laughing and took a while to get myself to wake up the next morning.
day games was funn! sijia chrisitne sarah and me were in charge of the food station. the way i see the band. i didnt know that they were so evil. you should have seen the food that they mixed. its so gross i think i didnt feel like eating lunch. but surprisingly most of them said that it was nice -__- i thnk theres something wrong with the people in the band!
had debrief and the juniors and us went sijia's house to do POP stuff.
managed to buy all the POP things by today and only left 2 things to do and the presents are done (: i like the things we are getting the seniors lorh! hahaha. once they open their present im going to steal them (:
hahaha. and then there is yellow house comm stuff to get done.
the meeting on friday was hilarious. i think i spend more time laughing than giving suggestions larh.
yellow is such a nice colour but its damn hard to match it with stuff ):
lols! YELLOW FELLOWS ALL THE WAY!! :D
and not to mention this week is a killer week.
have chinese oral on monday.
then NAPFA on tuesday and wednesday.
and ting xie on wednesday. how i hate the learning process!
then thursday is the finale rehearsal for jubilate
then friday is SS test then jubilate.
ohh. i have a freaking 40m geog graded to do and POP to get done with.
im going to lose all my brain cells soon but like i bother. really.
LOL. anyways im planning to make sec3 life unforgetable and fun (:
all the way RACHEL!!! :D

they call me QIAN QIAN!
they call me XIAO QIAN!
they call me COCKRAOCH!
they call me XIAO QIANG!
BUT THATS NOT MY NAME!
THATS NOT MY NAME!
hahahaha :D

black&white makes grey. @1:21 AM