time will make a hero surface within

Sunday, July 6, 2008

havent been blogging for a while.
once the school term start i havent had a lot of time to go onto the computer
even if its right beside me.
or maybe i just didnt feel like switching it on. (:
this is going to be a long weekend.
have been looking forward to it since thursday cause there was no test on friday at all.
so i was relaxing and well, finally i can sleep soundly on my school bus on friday cause there is nothing to study for, nothing to worry about and i just focused on catching up on my sleep.
i think i should pay attention to literature lessons more.
this whole week i have been drfiting in and out of lit lesson.
half-hearing what mrs nath was saying and whatever half i managed to hear i forget the next moment.
and i wonder why it only occurs during lit lessons.
and these few days im like a floating ghost everywhere i go.
my mind just isnt where it should be.
since friday i have been having this weird feeling like butterflies in my stomach.
i couldnt focus at all whatever i do.
so irritating. i could not even sleep properly which explains why im a floating ghost.
today even better. over lunch my mother was lecturing me about not focusing these few days.
i knew what she was saying. every single word.
i was even contradicting her in my mind but when she finished talking, i totally didnt know what she was talking about.
i was puzzled but i didnt have the mood to do anything.
i spent my whole day trying to get myself to focus on something but apparently nothing worked so i just gave up and stare.
my brother claimed that he did a funny face in front of me but i didnt react at all.
the funny thing is that i didnt even know he was in front of me. let alone do a funny face.
then just now my mum made me do maths in fronnt of her cause she claims i wasted a whole sunday doing nothing.
i half-heartedly went down and stared at all the questions.
i knew how to do them but my mind and hands didnt feel like doing anything.
i had to force myself to finish solving 5 question at a speed of a dying snail before my mother decided that it was late enough to sleep.
but she expects me to finish the rest of the questions.
i wonder when i can find the mood to do it.
tomorrow is youth day yet i dont feel anything at all.
i dont even want to do anything. i just feel like going somewhere on my own for the sake of nothing.
maybe i just need time and space to sort some things out.
i shall go somewhere maybe next week end or the next next one when i have lesser stuff on my back.
NBC is coming. 7 more days.

this is a battle i must fight alone.

black&white makes grey. @10:33 PM